Author Archives: Tonya

Alaska

Background Step Three OK, Alaska. My mother moved my brother and I north with no more than the old black trunk filled with flimsy Californian weeds that would shelter us less from the weather than from the shame that had … Continue reading

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The Process II

Step Two: Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity. Can I tell you a true story? I had just come off a bender when my best friend suggested a day trip to Misquamicut … Continue reading

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The Process I

Step One: We admitted we were powerless over alcohol and that our lives had become unmanageable. So, powerlessness. At this hour of the morning, I feel compelled to flee my bed as the fears continue to become more and more … Continue reading

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Self-esteem

Tad Danielewski told us that if we looked into the mirror too long, we’d meet the adversary. We were elite instruments disciplining ourselves to navigate currents of the emotional state. The paradox of that reality is we were to reach … Continue reading

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Illusions

It’s Christmas Eve. My most memorable was in Alaska (Girdwood) when my mother finangled a fat, white-haired, good natured man to find 9 reindeer and a sleigh filled with a bunch of prettyly wrapped, probably empty boxes. I was in … Continue reading

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Paradox

Dead mother. An abyss I could not concieve until I experienced it. March 29th is a portentious date in my life–really the entire maw of March if I tell the truth of the last five years. Grief, to me, is … Continue reading

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Up All Night

I can say this post will not be eloquent. I am tired. Morning broke at about 1:30 am. I got outta bed at 3. I sit yawning in front of the computer wondering if I’ve anything in me to write. … Continue reading

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Mood Altering Behavior

On February 6th, necessity twisted my account yet again. This time, tires. All four. February 7th heard me calling the IRS. (–The state coffers of Connecticut and California still chase the rabbit for now.) Meanwhile in New Haven, on February … Continue reading

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The Way Back

Riding my resolve is like riding a boomerange. Here it is February, and I declared to myself back in December that I would continue to write and post even if I had to go old school . Intentions. Now there’s … Continue reading

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Details Later

Computer scarcity greatly diminishes the fun of this blogging venture. I’ve been lazy lo these past months and am now digging my commitment out of the trash. If I must handwrite then transfer to various keyboards, so be it. In … Continue reading

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